I am thankful for:
- The original Power Rangers
- Hugs!!!
- Dogs who love their owners unconditionally
- Texting
- How easy it is to stalk people on facebook
- Netflix instant viewing
- Show tunes
- Ghost hunting shows
- Unrequited love
- Music
- The beauty of the sunset
- Jumping in puddles
- My Power Rangers ringtone
- The Nickelodeon shows that were on when I was a kid
- People that support you, even when you want to wear a bad outfit out in public
- Laughter
- People with worse fashion choices than myself
- Polka doted rain boots
- British accents
- Lilies
- The color purple. (The color not the movie.)
- Calculators
- Mexican food
- Party
- Awkward silences
- Dreams
- Girly alcoholic beverages
- The acoustics in the shower that make my singing sound pleasant
- The 80's
- Inside jokes
- Bad elevator music
- Cereals
- Dancing to your own beat
- Rainbows
- Footsie pjs
- The smell of fresh rain on the grass
- Public libraries
- Cuddling
- Harry Potter
- The monster under my bed
- Mascara
- Traveling
- Yummy food
- Theater, films, & television
- That most men in the NFL look sexy in their football uniforms
- Comedy
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
The A-Z of Roar
A is for acting
That ROAR is really good at
B is for badass
To use during comedic combat
C is for creativity
That flows through our veins
D is for our debauchery
That’ll give you laughter pains
E is for excellence
Which we have plenty of
F is for fun
That we give you with love
G is for games
That we incorporate with you
H is for a comedic hallucination
That we hope to make true
I is for our style of improv
That is truly unique
J is for our jokes
The highlight of your week
K is for the kaleidoscope
Of quirky stage images
L is for the laughter
That our audience witnesses
M is for a masterpiece
That we create on the spot
N is for our lack of normalcy
That makes us the big shot
O is for outshining
All the other competition
P is for playing pretend
And getting positive recognition
Q is for the quirkiness
That we present to all
R is for the randomness
With our language curve ball
S is for the stage
Where it all comes alive
T is for talent
For which we strive
U is for unity
And the family we create
V is for the validation
That is foretold by our fate
W is for the world
That is ours for the taking
X is for marking the spot
Where we are always playing
Y is for you
Our faithful viewers
And Z is for zeal
Because we are comedic rulers
That ROAR is really good at
B is for badass
To use during comedic combat
C is for creativity
That flows through our veins
D is for our debauchery
That’ll give you laughter pains
E is for excellence
Which we have plenty of
F is for fun
That we give you with love
G is for games
That we incorporate with you
H is for a comedic hallucination
That we hope to make true
I is for our style of improv
That is truly unique
J is for our jokes
The highlight of your week
K is for the kaleidoscope
Of quirky stage images
L is for the laughter
That our audience witnesses
M is for a masterpiece
That we create on the spot
N is for our lack of normalcy
That makes us the big shot
O is for outshining
All the other competition
P is for playing pretend
And getting positive recognition
Q is for the quirkiness
That we present to all
R is for the randomness
With our language curve ball
S is for the stage
Where it all comes alive
T is for talent
For which we strive
U is for unity
And the family we create
V is for the validation
That is foretold by our fate
W is for the world
That is ours for the taking
X is for marking the spot
Where we are always playing
Y is for you
Our faithful viewers
And Z is for zeal
Because we are comedic rulers
Friday, October 29, 2010
THE ORIGINS OF HOLLYWOOD
As I sit here starring at the television screen and seeing the unfortunate falseness that has been encompassing our gullible souls, I feel the need to warp through the internet communication system to single-handedly emerge inside the mostly-unknown magical land of “TV World.” Few have ever attempted the journey to this magical little kingdom where the robotic-dwarves exist. These robotic-dwarves are actively in charge of putting up images in our screens to distract us from the truth.
In the 1920’s these robotic-dwarves were on the verge of extinction. But on a Thursday morning in August of 1921, four middle-aged fat men told their wives that they were going to work and instead went to pig out at their local diner. While recovering from their food coma in the living room of the “Lard Leader” they had a vision, almost like a prophecy. They realized that human souls are extremely gullible. (Human souls are not as gullible as the souls of pandas or the elusive Komodo dragon souls that are only harvested during a full moon in the month of October) They decided that in order to fulfill their childhood fantasies of ruling the world they invented a little thing called “Hall-E-Would.”
They took a journey on a yellow brick road that was less traveled to meet with some business executives to pitch their mind-boggling plan: to take control over society through images projected on screens that would be accessible to every household. This crazy and futuristic idea was mocked by the pair of Mount brothers. But their greediness overpowered their ability to laugh therefore they decided to help fund this new project that they code named “Mess-up Good Minds.”
From there we can only speculate what occurred in the next coming weeks. Some people say that the Lards and Mount brothers invented foam parties. Others believe that they took a group vacation to Cabo where they staged a coup at a local brewery. It is also widely speculated that they invented aliens. But we do know that they built their headquarters in a city that was in control of angels. So in order to confuse the angels from fighting back to get their city they built mini-cities that represent different eras and buildings that didn’t have a fourth side.
They made an alliance with the robotic-dwarves and thus their evil plot of taking control over the world began. They changed the name of their new home to “Hollywood” and built a sign to hide their secret base camp underneath it. They forced indentured servants to pose as actors and Media personnel that would be associated with this new “business.” These servants were used to make a profit from the insecurities of ordinary people. The robotic-dwarves used their magical powers to create screens where the projection images would appear in people’s houses. This is the origin of the evil that has occurred in our world including global warming, wars, Joan Rivers, etc.
So now you know the true “Hollywood” story. So next time you think of your favorite actor, or you visit the infamous sign, or feel horribly depressed because you lack self-esteem just remember these “actors” are indentured servants working towards their freedom from their oppressors, the sign houses those evil robotic-dwarves, and you can purchase self-esteem at your local Konfidence Stores.
In the 1920’s these robotic-dwarves were on the verge of extinction. But on a Thursday morning in August of 1921, four middle-aged fat men told their wives that they were going to work and instead went to pig out at their local diner. While recovering from their food coma in the living room of the “Lard Leader” they had a vision, almost like a prophecy. They realized that human souls are extremely gullible. (Human souls are not as gullible as the souls of pandas or the elusive Komodo dragon souls that are only harvested during a full moon in the month of October) They decided that in order to fulfill their childhood fantasies of ruling the world they invented a little thing called “Hall-E-Would.”
They took a journey on a yellow brick road that was less traveled to meet with some business executives to pitch their mind-boggling plan: to take control over society through images projected on screens that would be accessible to every household. This crazy and futuristic idea was mocked by the pair of Mount brothers. But their greediness overpowered their ability to laugh therefore they decided to help fund this new project that they code named “Mess-up Good Minds.”
From there we can only speculate what occurred in the next coming weeks. Some people say that the Lards and Mount brothers invented foam parties. Others believe that they took a group vacation to Cabo where they staged a coup at a local brewery. It is also widely speculated that they invented aliens. But we do know that they built their headquarters in a city that was in control of angels. So in order to confuse the angels from fighting back to get their city they built mini-cities that represent different eras and buildings that didn’t have a fourth side.
They made an alliance with the robotic-dwarves and thus their evil plot of taking control over the world began. They changed the name of their new home to “Hollywood” and built a sign to hide their secret base camp underneath it. They forced indentured servants to pose as actors and Media personnel that would be associated with this new “business.” These servants were used to make a profit from the insecurities of ordinary people. The robotic-dwarves used their magical powers to create screens where the projection images would appear in people’s houses. This is the origin of the evil that has occurred in our world including global warming, wars, Joan Rivers, etc.
So now you know the true “Hollywood” story. So next time you think of your favorite actor, or you visit the infamous sign, or feel horribly depressed because you lack self-esteem just remember these “actors” are indentured servants working towards their freedom from their oppressors, the sign houses those evil robotic-dwarves, and you can purchase self-esteem at your local Konfidence Stores.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Comedic Royalty
There are Kings and Queens
Who will rule above all
With the spunk of teens
And the fame of a curtain call
To the naked eye they look average
Yet they are known to be loopy.
They speak the comedic language
And one day you'll be their groupie
As a group their powers combine
To tickle their guests' funny bone
In their own way they will define
How funny will henceforth be known
Be prepared to never forget their name
Because their dreams are going to soar
They will be surrounded with comedic fame
They are the Kings and Queens from ROAR
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
dream. dream. dream. reality!
I dream big.
In my dreams I am accomplishing a million things that other people won't do in their lifetimes. I am the best in my craft. I am admired and respected by my peers. I am happy and successful. I am an award winner. I am constantly working, but not to the point where I am unhappy with my career. I have time for work and play. I get the opportunity to share my wisdom with others and help jump start the careers of people. Others look up to me and wish they could be doing what I am doing. I will be remembered for years because of my accomplishments.
If dreams could somehow be transferred to reality we would live in a remarkable world. Superheroes would roam the streets. The villains would be even more bad ass than in movies. We could fly, teleport, use magic, understand multiple languages, go back in time, go to the future, visit space, we can have any career imaginable, animals would talk, we could be athletes, we would live in any time period, we would always get the boy/girl at the end, and we wouldn't need to work because our life would be too entertaining to pause. We could be be power rangers, ninja turtles, mutants, unicorns, royalty, smurfs, fairies, leprechauns, giants, ogres, vampires, vampire slayers, centaurs, gods, transformers or just about anything that we could imagine.
Although we can't make certain aspects of our dreams come true yet (i.e teleportation. wouldn't it be amazing if it were true though?), we can still work hard to make other dreams a reality. Unfortunately many people give up on their dreams to pursue the safe route that society tells us we should focus on like power, money, and specific careers. The safe route is comforting because even if you are not doing well you have the peace of mind that you are following in the "right steps." I have decided to leave the safe path behind and take the hiking trail to pursue my dreams.
To accomplish 10% of my goals/dreams I know that I need to work hard and not wait for things to happen. I know others around me have made big sacrifices to get their career going. I am taking things slowly compared to others, but for now I am happy with that. I don't feel the need to move out to LA or New York just yet and I don't feel the need to actively pursue an agent. Sure that sounds crazy because after all exposure and networking is what you need to succeed in this business but my aspirations are too much for an agent or a different city to handle right now. I am a main troupe member of a fabulous improv-comedy theatre. There my creativity is constantly working, I am training hard for my craft (we work out and train hard to become better actors), I am having a great time, I get to teach members of the troupe what I have learned in acting, I get to help as a leader, and I am performing often. I honestly believe that we can "make it big" soon.
All of the troupe members' dreams are combining to form one big dream bubble and pretty soon it is going to take over the comedy world.
I'm sure we all believe this. I think that is great about us artists. We are faced with a tough reality that most of us won't succeed how we imagine we will because of the grueling demand for the job, but we all have faith and we continue dreaming big that we can be the ones.
Never let those dreams go down the toilet bowl into the land of "I can't pursue because ..." Your dreams make our reality much more enjoyable and bearable.
That is why I am excited for this new path in my life because I get to dream everyday, my reality will be much more exciting because I am doing what I love, and I get to actively pursue my goals with some fabulous people. Oh and in the near future our dreams of comedic domination for Roar Theatre will come true. Just you wait and see.
In my dreams I am accomplishing a million things that other people won't do in their lifetimes. I am the best in my craft. I am admired and respected by my peers. I am happy and successful. I am an award winner. I am constantly working, but not to the point where I am unhappy with my career. I have time for work and play. I get the opportunity to share my wisdom with others and help jump start the careers of people. Others look up to me and wish they could be doing what I am doing. I will be remembered for years because of my accomplishments.
If dreams could somehow be transferred to reality we would live in a remarkable world. Superheroes would roam the streets. The villains would be even more bad ass than in movies. We could fly, teleport, use magic, understand multiple languages, go back in time, go to the future, visit space, we can have any career imaginable, animals would talk, we could be athletes, we would live in any time period, we would always get the boy/girl at the end, and we wouldn't need to work because our life would be too entertaining to pause. We could be be power rangers, ninja turtles, mutants, unicorns, royalty, smurfs, fairies, leprechauns, giants, ogres, vampires, vampire slayers, centaurs, gods, transformers or just about anything that we could imagine.
Although we can't make certain aspects of our dreams come true yet (i.e teleportation. wouldn't it be amazing if it were true though?), we can still work hard to make other dreams a reality. Unfortunately many people give up on their dreams to pursue the safe route that society tells us we should focus on like power, money, and specific careers. The safe route is comforting because even if you are not doing well you have the peace of mind that you are following in the "right steps." I have decided to leave the safe path behind and take the hiking trail to pursue my dreams.
To accomplish 10% of my goals/dreams I know that I need to work hard and not wait for things to happen. I know others around me have made big sacrifices to get their career going. I am taking things slowly compared to others, but for now I am happy with that. I don't feel the need to move out to LA or New York just yet and I don't feel the need to actively pursue an agent. Sure that sounds crazy because after all exposure and networking is what you need to succeed in this business but my aspirations are too much for an agent or a different city to handle right now. I am a main troupe member of a fabulous improv-comedy theatre. There my creativity is constantly working, I am training hard for my craft (we work out and train hard to become better actors), I am having a great time, I get to teach members of the troupe what I have learned in acting, I get to help as a leader, and I am performing often. I honestly believe that we can "make it big" soon.
All of the troupe members' dreams are combining to form one big dream bubble and pretty soon it is going to take over the comedy world.
I'm sure we all believe this. I think that is great about us artists. We are faced with a tough reality that most of us won't succeed how we imagine we will because of the grueling demand for the job, but we all have faith and we continue dreaming big that we can be the ones.
Never let those dreams go down the toilet bowl into the land of "I can't pursue because ..." Your dreams make our reality much more enjoyable and bearable.
That is why I am excited for this new path in my life because I get to dream everyday, my reality will be much more exciting because I am doing what I love, and I get to actively pursue my goals with some fabulous people. Oh and in the near future our dreams of comedic domination for Roar Theatre will come true. Just you wait and see.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Little Kid Quote of the Day
"Is your Pooh heavy enough to be deposited yet?"
(He claims to be talking about a Winnie the Pooh piggy bank. Or was he?)
Friday, July 2, 2010
To Be Funny or Not To Be Funny
There are many books, articles, classes, and programs to teach you how to be funny. They all give you certain rules to follow to become the best improviser. But they fail to tell the number one rule of being funny.
You must possess a real funny bone.
You can acquire this elusive funny bone in one of two ways: (1) by being born into a funny family or (2) by finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to pay the trolls living in Narnia to use the hand of Midas to turn one of your bones into a funny one.
Only one person in the history of time has been able to follow the second path, the great Papa Smurf, therefore I must elaborate on the first path.
This “family” you are born into must possess at least 5 strong stand-up comedians, 3 avid joke tellers, 7 sarcastic people, 2 drunkards, 1 outcast, 4 drama queens, 1 really old person, 17 unicorn keepers, 1 token child, and 2 socially awkward individuals. If you have met this criteria then all you need to do is click your heels together three times and say “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” Your funny bone will magically grow within 72 hours but you must continue to nourish it with stellar dancing or it will die.
So if you don’t have a funny family you have a 7.34695% chance of being funny. Or you can always hire a fake family like the magical ninjas from Roar Theatre to help you achieve your funny bone.
You must possess a real funny bone.
You can acquire this elusive funny bone in one of two ways: (1) by being born into a funny family or (2) by finding the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to pay the trolls living in Narnia to use the hand of Midas to turn one of your bones into a funny one.
Only one person in the history of time has been able to follow the second path, the great Papa Smurf, therefore I must elaborate on the first path.
This “family” you are born into must possess at least 5 strong stand-up comedians, 3 avid joke tellers, 7 sarcastic people, 2 drunkards, 1 outcast, 4 drama queens, 1 really old person, 17 unicorn keepers, 1 token child, and 2 socially awkward individuals. If you have met this criteria then all you need to do is click your heels together three times and say “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.” Your funny bone will magically grow within 72 hours but you must continue to nourish it with stellar dancing or it will die.
So if you don’t have a funny family you have a 7.34695% chance of being funny. Or you can always hire a fake family like the magical ninjas from Roar Theatre to help you achieve your funny bone.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
extra extra laugh all about it!
Have you ever thought about growing a funny bone? Are you scared of the dangerous procedure that can prove to you how serious you are? Well, I have good news for you. On June 19 Roar Theatre is holding auditions for it's superly-awesome-tastic troupe. I guarantee* that this group of people will make you laugh so hard that your intestines will blow up and you will be reborn into a life with comedy. You will also learn how to combine comedy and party and believe me my friends THAT will change your life. I was once a person who did not know the two could be combined but now I am saved and have learned to live a life with comedy and party at the same time. So if you are interested in auditioning or learning more about the hotties in the group, check them out at www.roartheatre.com.
*Results not Guaranteed.
*Results not Guaranteed.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
when metaphors make a point sound much better
Sometimes you need to conquer your fears to become the best.
I am conquering my fear of failing onstage. I mean you are asked to get on the stage and be fearless when you are part of a society that indoctrinates fear. That stage is the equivalent to the edge of a 200-foot high building. You are aware of the height and nevertheless you must jump off to accomplish your task.* You slowly turn around, close your eyes, take a deep breath and let yourself fall hoping that there is a giant fluffy mat ready to catch you and protect you. Once you land safely you experience this amazing rush of adrenaline. You can’t believe that you were scared to fall but you're still a bit apprehensive about letting yourself fall freely again.
Improv is one of the most exciting and rewarding performances to be a part of. You can get up on the stage and a make a fool of yourself and that is okay. Actually, that is better than okay because the audience will love you even more. Still there are times when I get nervous or worried that I will do a horrible job, but I am lucky to be performing with an amazing group of people who act like a giant mat in case I fall.
So now I guess it is time to conquer another fear, the big monster, the ultimate mind-blowing, stomach hurting, heart pounding fear: Danny DeVito’s troll foot.
*this is a metaphor. Don’t really jump off a building. That would be bad.
I am conquering my fear of failing onstage. I mean you are asked to get on the stage and be fearless when you are part of a society that indoctrinates fear. That stage is the equivalent to the edge of a 200-foot high building. You are aware of the height and nevertheless you must jump off to accomplish your task.* You slowly turn around, close your eyes, take a deep breath and let yourself fall hoping that there is a giant fluffy mat ready to catch you and protect you. Once you land safely you experience this amazing rush of adrenaline. You can’t believe that you were scared to fall but you're still a bit apprehensive about letting yourself fall freely again.
Improv is one of the most exciting and rewarding performances to be a part of. You can get up on the stage and a make a fool of yourself and that is okay. Actually, that is better than okay because the audience will love you even more. Still there are times when I get nervous or worried that I will do a horrible job, but I am lucky to be performing with an amazing group of people who act like a giant mat in case I fall.
So now I guess it is time to conquer another fear, the big monster, the ultimate mind-blowing, stomach hurting, heart pounding fear: Danny DeVito’s troll foot.
*this is a metaphor. Don’t really jump off a building. That would be bad.
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