THE ORIGINS OF HOLLYWOOD

As I sit here starring at the television screen and seeing the unfortunate falseness that has been encompassing our gullible souls, I feel the need to warp through the internet communication system to single-handedly emerge inside the mostly-unknown magical land of “TV World.” Few have ever attempted the journey to this magical little kingdom where the robotic-dwarves exist. These robotic-dwarves are actively in charge of putting up images in our screens to distract us from the truth.

In the 1920’s these robotic-dwarves were on the verge of extinction. But on a Thursday morning in August of 1921, four middle-aged fat men told their wives that they were going to work and instead went to pig out at their local diner. While recovering from their food coma in the living room of the “Lard Leader” they had a vision, almost like a prophecy. They realized that human souls are extremely gullible. (Human souls are not as gullible as the souls of pandas or the elusive Komodo dragon souls that are only harvested during a full moon in the month of October) They decided that in order to fulfill their childhood fantasies of ruling the world they invented a little thing called “Hall-E-Would.”

They took a journey on a yellow brick road that was less traveled to meet with some business executives to pitch their mind-boggling plan: to take control over society through images projected on screens that would be accessible to every household. This crazy and futuristic idea was mocked by the pair of Mount brothers. But their greediness overpowered their ability to laugh therefore they decided to help fund this new project that they code named “Mess-up Good Minds.”

From there we can only speculate what occurred in the next coming weeks. Some people say that the Lards and Mount brothers invented foam parties. Others believe that they took a group vacation to Cabo where they staged a coup at a local brewery. It is also widely speculated that they invented aliens. But we do know that they built their headquarters in a city that was in control of angels. So in order to confuse the angels from fighting back to get their city they built mini-cities that represent different eras and buildings that didn’t have a fourth side.

They made an alliance with the robotic-dwarves and thus their evil plot of taking control over the world began. They changed the name of their new home to “Hollywood” and built a sign to hide their secret base camp underneath it. They forced indentured servants to pose as actors and Media personnel that would be associated with this new “business.” These servants were used to make a profit from the insecurities of ordinary people. The robotic-dwarves used their magical powers to create screens where the projection images would appear in people’s houses. This is the origin of the evil that has occurred in our world including global warming, wars, Joan Rivers, etc.

So now you know the true “Hollywood” story. So next time you think of your favorite actor, or you visit the infamous sign, or feel horribly depressed because you lack self-esteem just remember these “actors” are indentured servants working towards their freedom from their oppressors, the sign houses those evil robotic-dwarves, and you can purchase self-esteem at your local Konfidence Stores.